s and there is nothing I can do to change that all I want to do is help in anyway i can and I get shut down

Its getting hard to figure things out i mean things are really great and then out of no where it gets bad I know money shouldn't be so important but it i

im begining to hate music...ya again. im just not in the mood today and the music makes me think, i dont like to think as much as i used to...i just need someone by my side

My internet is being stupid and i needed to post, guess it will have to wait till next time, for now ill pull out the old journal

My internet is being stupid and i needed to post, guess it will have to wait till next time, for now ill pull out the old journal

do you ever feel like music changes the way you feel? like im just sitting here doing homework and then i start listening to music and i just feel different, its a little hard to describe but i just start thinking about life a lot more when music is on. i guess its because when im not listening to anything it is because im too busy running around doing things, but when i get a chance to just sit and listen, well i guess it opens my mind.but what i always get are the thought about my future. half of me sayd im going to be alone forever, but in a good way, in like i will have my own home with an awesome stereo and just listen to music with some adopted kid all day long, but then on the other side i see myself with some one listening to music while we clean the house...two different visions, both good in thier own ways i suppose. ok i guess that was all
words of wisdom: O Chem is the shit haha

People are full of shit, that's all there is to it

people say they dont want to hurt anyone, this just doesnt work, you cant make everyone happy so at some point in time you have to hurt someone, all you have to do is choose. will it be this person or that person? even if no one deserves it it is boundto happen. sitting here waiting for someone to decide can be nerve rasking, so i might just have to take matters into my own hands, even though i dont want to cause then ill just be hurting myself while everyone makes away all happy and whatnot. now thats not really fair is it? its never really my time, hasnt been for a while, i just got too excited and gave too much of myself, did things iv never done before, took control thinking this is how things get done, man was i wrong, just ended up hurting myself. on a lighter note my whole house is clean i even vacumed and swept. god what the hell is wrong with me, i thought i was done feeling like this when i got that disease out of my life, but i guess it never really leaves
words of wisdom: isolate and save you from yourself

the trouble with people is that no one is perfect. they can be really close but there is always that one thing that makes you think great...this is no good. but the more i think about it the more i say to myself why am i even expecting someone to be perfect when im not either. i can deal with one or two things, even more if i like the person enough. but even if things dont go my way im doing better, im actually going out, trying to have fun with people....iv never been so happy but at the same time iv never been so stressed. the stress i cause my self, filling my mind with what ifs, thats all i seem to do, i sit with a smile on my face for hours then it turns to doubt. i thought i was done with feeling i wasnt good enough for someone, i am, and people will one day understand. but as anyone who knows me well knows that i hate being ignored, it has to do with respect and just the thought that im not worth your time. if i knew people were busy well then cool i understand, im the queen of busy, but you know, say something... but back to the smiles, i like being able to smile during chemistry hehe, anything to take my mind off my crazy life
words of wisdom: i will never hurt you